Question:
After being treated for my menopause, I am still going through a very hard time dealing with the same certain time of the month – the days that used to be right before my periods, i.e. PMS. I get very angry. The anger is so bad, I want to hurt people, and then I pray because I am a good person and Christian. I end up crying but the anger returns around the same week each month. I have been to counseling for a year and am on Pemarin 0.65. I dread this time of the month each month. I had a complete hysterectomy in 2001 and thought the symptoms would go away by now. I am a person who is very anxious; my husband walked away from me and my daughter (who was 11) in 2003, which seems to make it even harder. I was told when I was 13 that I would never be able to have children, so she is a blessing from God. Without her, I can honestly tell you I have no clue where I would be right now. But I am wondering why I am still having anger, anger I never experienced before my hysterectomy. All I can think about is how people have hurt me. I want to sometimes just fall off the face of the Earth but I know that is not the solution. My doctor has me on nerve medication because I am so wound up I sometimes do not know which way to turn. I never had any hot flashes until two months ago. When I awoke that night in a soaked bed, I had no idea what was going on. Then two days later it happened again and I realized what it may be. I contacted my gynecologist. He had nothing to say except that I was wrong to think that after having a complete hysterectomy my PMS symptoms would go away. He also said I would feel down and may need a counselor (he did not know I was already seeing one). I hate this time of the month – I go through such sad, awful thoughts about my ex walking out on us. I guess I didn't tell you I am 51 with a 15 year old.
How do I stop this anger? I have tried medications; they have tried me on 11 anti-depressants and my body rejects them. So I wish not to take them unless there is a new miracle one out that could make me want to live through that week – and, as I said, sometimes it hits me a few days here and there throughout the month. What is this that is hitting my body? I hate myself when I get so down and angry. I know I am wrong and I know God is here for me and I try to fight it and have been for three years but I seem to be losing. I need help and I know it, but I cannot do it if I do not know what is causing this to happen to me.
I am blessed to be a Christian and know God is going to always pull me through but I even get mad at people who care about me and I know I am wrong. It seems to have control over me like a drug. Is there any hope for this to stop? Should I not take the premarin and see what happens?
Cheryl
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Answer:
Cheryl, we’re sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. Your situation sounds complicated, so we’ll limit our comments to a few pieces of advice. First, despite the problems you’ve encountered getting your condition diagnosed, physicians are still your best resource – keep after them to come up with a solution. Also, it sounds like your problem is much bigger than menopause. I understand you’re in counseling. Do you feel that the counseling is helping? If so, stick to it. If not, should you change therapists? Have you been evaluated by a psychiatrist? It’s possible your condition has a psychiatric source and there may be a pharmaceutical solution. One thing is clear: your anger is hurting you and could hurt others. So don’t give up on finding an answer. And start trying to define what can bring you happiness moving forward, instead of looking back at past injuries. You can’t change what has happened, but you can effect what will happen.